VICTIM OF MY TYPE

How to stop dating the same guy over and over.

A friend of mine recently gave me tough love dating advice and one of the things she said was “the person you marry will not be your type”. I really took it to heart because I have a habit of dating the same “type” of guy over and over. How do I break the pattern and start to date different people?

Your friend is giving you the kind of advice that is so painfully cliche but true. The kind of advice in the same category as “it will happen when you least expect it” or “it only has to work out once”. Although these clichés may be annoying, I am glad to hear you are taking it seriously and are trying to be open minded to something (or someone) new. Getting yourself stuck on a certain type of person is a self limiting belief, in my opinion. We are human beings; capable of learning and growing. Taking a chance on someone who may not look like your typical type could be the leap of faith that leads to the love of your life. Beauty fades, it is the bones that matter.

My first word of advice would be to put yourself in new situations. Someone once told me the best dating app on earth is a new hobby. When you involve yourself in something you like, you will usually find like-minded people. Go see some live music, try a new activity, drag some friends to go see a game, join a new church or gym. Anything to get you in a new environment outside of your same old townie bar. 

Of course the most popular way to meet people these days are those dreaded dating apps. Make a profile that truly represents you as a person. Pick realistic photos (you are stunning in them all, queen) and definitely fill out a few of those prompts. Try to find 3 or more things you like about a person outside of their appearance before swiping. This will provide a great foundation for conversation and ensure you will not have an inbox full of boring “Heys” and cringey pickup lines. Do not be afraid to message first, you literally owe these people nothing. Start conversations with a question pertaining to their profile in some way. I personally love to pick on people for their taste in baseball teams. In general, try to focus on the character of the person you are talking to instead of window shopping.. or should I say window swiping?

If the “type” you are getting stuck with is not a physical type but a pattern of poor judgement, thats a different story. Falling for the same emotionally unavailable or manipulative patterns may project that you need to do some self reflection and work. Try to make a realistic list of what you want in a partner, and set firm non-negotiable boundaries with yourself. For example, if they ask for social media instead of your phone number, its a no. If messages become PG-13 or further before you meet in person, its a no. Whatever you decide is fine, these will be different for everyone, but stick firmly to these “rules” to weed out toxic people and patterns you have let slide in the past. 

You deserve respect, genuine conversation and connection. Remember that you can always help a dude with his fashion or get him a great haircut and new sunglasses. You can not fix values, morals, humor or the foundation of someone’s personality. Try to approach dating with a less critical eye and see if it helps! By all means, of course you need to be attracted to the person and that is important, but true attraction is deeper than a mustache and tattoos (I promise).

Good luck with your fresh dating approach. I hope you are gentle with yourself and take your time finding your best match. Enjoy the process of talking to new people and figuring out the qualities you really appreciate and enjoy. Update us when you meet a good one! You got this. xo