THE ONE-UP FRIEND

I have this friend who always finds a way to one-up me. If I mention any achievement, she suddenly has a bigger one. If I start dating someone, whoever she is dating is even better. It’s subtle, but I can’t shake the feeling that instead of just being happy for me, she sees everything as a competition. Am I overthinking this, or is she actually competing with me? And what do I even do about it?

I hate to say it but you’re probably not crazy. Some people cannot handle seeing someone else shine, especially if they secretly see you as some kind of threat. A real friend celebrates your wins, full stop. If every moment of your success makes her scramble to outdo you, that’s not friendship—that’s a rivalry you never signed up for.

Now, there’s a difference between friendly motivation and straight-up competition. Sometimes if a friend is doing well, it strikes a nerve in you to try harder and level up, too. Friends can encourage and inspire one another, thats totally okay. Then there are those friendships where everything you do, they can do better or faster. The first kind is healthy. The second is exhausting and honestly, kinda weird.

So what do you do? First, stop sharing so much with her. Don't allow full access to someone who may not have your best interest. Watch her energy when you win. Does she hype you up, or does she instantly pivot to herself? If she can’t be happy for you without turning it into a comparison moment, or if she's just being plain negative, then it’s time to pull back emotionally. She’s not your safe space, she’s your silent competitor. 

At the end of the day, friendship shouldn’t feel like a constant measuring contest. The people you keep close should uplift you, not make you feel like you have to downplay your happiness to keep the peace. If this “friend” can’t stop trying to turn your life into a competition, it might be time to let her win by walking away and leaving her to play her little game alone. I hope you find a way to celebrate yourself regardless of this person’s behavior! Xo