THE FRIEND BREAKUP

HOW TO MOVE ON FROM A MEAN GIRL.

Sometimes I think the friend breakup is worse than the romantic breakup! Truly, no one gets you like your closest friends. They see us at our best and worst. They read the messages we did not end up sending. They hold our hair when we get sick from too many drinks. We hope that those besties will always have our backs but unfortunately that is not always the case. Sometimes it’s the friends you would never expect to hurt you that, for some reason, stop having your best interest and start breaking you down a little bit at a time. A mean girl is sort of just part of life; we’ve all had one or a few. The good news is when you prune the bad ones out of your life, you make room for new growth. 

Here is how you know leaving that friendship behind was the right choice. Did you feel drained after every hangout? Did you feel the conversation was always about your friend and never you? Did she rarely or never make the plans or check in on you? Did you feel embarrassed or judged around her? Put down for your interests? Did she encourage you to make bad decisions? Did she talk badly about you to others? Did she talk badly about other people to you? Was she often dishonest with you? Was she often late or flakey? Did she make too many comments about your body or appearance? Did you feel like you had to walk on eggshells around her or her moods were unpredictable? Is she irresponsible or reckless in her own life? If you answered yes to multiple of these questions - I think you made an excellent choice for yourself. 

When we were kids and there was a bully, we were told that they were being mean because they did not like something about themselves. They were jealous or threatened in some way. Maybe by your looks, smarts, popularity, stability, talents, or simply just your happiness and good energy! Even though we are adults, the bullies are still bullying for the same reasons. There are cruel people in this world who feel insecure and unhappy and want the people around them to feel the same way. Mostly so they don’t have to feel lonely when they are already down. But someone else’s confidence, happiness and sense of self are not your responsibility. And you do not deserve to be attacked for making good life choices, or doing things that make you smile. 

It is normal to miss an old friend, even a toxic one. There are good memories in any friendship. Hold those close to your heart and remember them fondly. Just don’t romanticize the past. Look forward to the future and the new friendships there are to be made. Find people who build you up and cheer you on. People who give you honest advice and constructive criticism from a place of love. People who bring you with them when they are doing well. Friends who made you smile and laugh. Who talk about life, art, business, music, sports, movies, kids, school, work and other interests - and make you feel like an equal participant of that conversation. People who wish you well, wipe your tears, pray for you, lend a hand when you need help. People who do not show up to your home empty handed and who welcome you into their home as you are. These are the ones who you should choose to surround you and your loved ones. People who give you grace and bring you joy. People who are authentic and warm.

Life is too short for fake friends. The real ones are out there and you will find them. Keep listening to your gut. You are moving in the right direction! Hell, I’ll be your friend if you need one girly. Sending you so much love and wishing you abundance in your new friendships! xo