THE BREAKUP CONVERSATION

My boyfriend and I are constantly arguing and it is pretty clear we have fallen out of love with each other. We talk in circles and avoid breaking things off because neither of us are confrontational people. How do I end things respectfully but firmly? I believe it is for both of our benefit.

Ending any relationship can be hard regardless of the specific circumstances. Obviously there was once love and respect between the two of you or there would not have been a commitment. Obviously there was once good memories or the commitment would not have lasted. Things change, people grow, sometimes relationships do not last for the long haul and that is okay. Change is hard but sometimes it takes one person to be strong and speak up in order for the right things to happen moving forward. 

The best way to set yourself up for this tough conversation is to choose a specific time and place for a sit down. Make sure you have privacy so you can both voice how you feel freely. 

Avoid beating around the bush. You can say something like, "I've been thinking a lot about us, and I feel like we've grown apart. I believe it's best for both of us to end things so we can move on and be happier in the long run.” Frame the conversation around your own feelings and perspective. Talk about how you feel without blaming or pointing fingers elsewhere. Let your partner respond with their perspective and hear them out as patiently as possible. Let this conversation be the closure you both need. 

Take the time to acknowledge the good times without getting too romanic or nostalgic. Some good memories may soften the blow of the conversation. Share some things you learned from the other person or some things you are grateful for. Stay calm and try to listen as much as you speak. Drive home why this breakup would be best for both of you.

The best thing you can do after this conversation is to give each other space to reflect and move on. Set clear boundaries and expectations for what that may look like for you. A huge mistake, in my opinion, is when people try to jump into a friendship right after a breakup. Raw emotions and close proximity usually end in messy blurred lines. The only way to heal is to respect each others boundaries and give each other the time and distance to find clarity.  

Good luck with your breakup plan. Your strength to put an end to this uncomfortable situation will push you both to a better future and one day he will respect you, and maybe even thank you, for having the courage to do it. Wishing you both the best outcome and the most happiness moving forward.