SURVIVING NO CONTACT

I ended things with a guy I still love because the relationship wasn’t the healthiest. We kept misunderstanding and hurting each other, and I was tired of feeling like I was always the one that cared more. I went no contact to take a break but honestly I still want him back. I’m hoping time and space will bring clarity for both of us, and scare him into being better. Some days the silence feels unbearable. How do you survive missing someone when you’re the one who walked away? And is it delulu to hold onto hope while trying to move on so you’re not waiting for them?

Walking away from someone you still love takes serious strength and intense self-respect. You knew deep down that staying in a low effort situation was draining you, and instead of clinging, you chose peace. Don’t confuse the pain of missing him with a mistake. You didn’t mess up. Actually, in a lot of ways, you just leveled up by taking your power back. 

“No contact” feels like emotional detox—because it is. You used to talk to this person every day and now you’re not. You’re sitting in silence, wrestling with the urge to reach out, hoping maybe he’s thinking of you too. Honey, I guarantee he is. But men don’t work the way we do. They don’t process loss instantly. It usually takes silence and distance for reality to hit. While you’re crying on day five, he’s out with his boys celebrating freedom… until week three hits and he realizes you meant it. That’s when the panic sets in for him. That’s right, it’s just about the time you start feeling a lot better. That’s when his “what if she is actually moving on?” thoughts creep in.

Here’s the thing: men are biologically wired to pursue. It’s not even just romantic, it’s simply how they’re built. The more available and eager you are, the more they hold back. The less they have to work, the less they value you. It’s not about playing games, it’s just about understanding dynamics. Silence triggers curiosity, and curiosity drives action. The minute you reach out, you kill the mystery. You reassure him that you’re still there waiting. And that takes all the pressure off him to grow, reflect, or step up. Why would he chase what’s already easily available to him? Again, this is not me condoning “games”. It’s as simple as giving him the space to process and let his instincts kick in. If he wants you, he has to come get you. He will feel better about himself and your relationship if he is the one to “chase” or pursue you, because that is what is instinctually natural for him.

So no, you’re not delusional for having hope. But with that said, you better not waste your time and energy stalking his social media stories like they hold any kind of answers. If he’s meant for you, he’ll come back—but only if he realizes he can’t get you back the same way he lost you, which is by putting in minimal effort. If he sees your value, he will want to work to earn you, just like pursuing any other goal. I know that sounds simplistic, and perhaps a little shallow, but it’s largely true! And of course people will argue “men like convenience” and “men like women who make it easy” which is sometimes true too… in the short term. Those girls are fun, but the woman that challenges him to be a better man and inspires him to level up is the woman he will choose to settle down with. Trust and believe. 

So stay quiet. Have a glow-up. Let him come to terms with what he lost with you. Men think in black-and-white, so if he feels a great enough loss, he will feel it is worth it to fight back and pursue you again with a better mindset. Never beg anyone to love you because if one person won't, another one will. One that is a better match. Either way, you win. Focus on your healing and find a better partner, or focus on your healing and inspire him to come back a better version of himself. Hang in there! Xo