STUCK ON A SITUATIONSHIP

How to move on from a situationship that has dragged on for too long.

Need some advice! I am struggling to get over a situationship. It has gone on for over a year and I recently had enough and ended things. I am having a hard time moving on but feel like my emotions are not justified because we never agreed to be fully committed. I'm having a hard time letting go of memories from the beginning when things seemed so good. I also think about what could have been. How can I finally let this go and move forward?

Okay first of all, if you are not familiar with the term situationship, let me begrudgingly define it for you. A situationship is when you are seeing someone regularly, doing all the relationship things, but are not technically in a relationship. Maybe you had the conversation about commitment, but one or both people agreed it was not time to be exclusive yet. Or, perhaps the more popular scenario, the commitment conversation has been avoided completely, so you are living in this weird romantic limbo. The 2024 era of dating is all too famous for people not wanting commitment, but not wanting to be alone - enter the situationship.

Now, lets clear this up too. Not having a commitment does not mean your heart cannot get broken, so lets squash that narrative right now. Any kind of relationship can break your heart; family, friends, significant others or almost significant others. If you were in any kind of a pattern with this person, and then all of a sudden that pattern ended, it is totally understandable to feel uncomfortable about that change. Not having a title does not mean there was no attachment, or intimacy, or good times. Being sad something is over is NORMAL. If you did not feel sad, I would actually be kind of concerned.

The best way to truly get over someone is to have them out of sight and out of mind. This is everyones least favorite piece of advice to hear (I'm looking at you little miss "I just need to see him one more time for closure!"), but it reigns the most true. You have to block, delete, unfollow, unfriend, archive, mute, do not disturb, REMOVE that person from your life. If you are seeing them or talking with them, you are staying attached to them. The best way to start fresh is to start with a clean break. After you reorganize digitally, load a box with all the gifts, pictures, love notes, movie ticket stubs and any other physical memories. Purge your space so you are not surrounded with reminders of the past. You do not have to throw anything in the garbage, at least not yet, but getting these mementos out of sight will definitely set you up for success.

Once you have started on the right foot, the rest is pretty simple in theory. Fill your time with activities and company that make you happy. Pick up extra shifts at work and build up your savings. Plan a trip with friends. Change your hair (no, you should not get bangs). Learn a new skill or try a new hobby. Anything to occupy your mind and fill your heart with joy. I also highly recommend investing in a cute journal where you can vent your day-to-day feelings. This is also great for writing therapeutic letters to the person-who-shall-not-be-named, instead of breaking your no-contact pact.

Remember, a little time alone right now is okay, in fact it's a good idea. Collect your thoughts and let yourself heal. When dating comes again, keep in mind not everything has to be so serious. Keep your options open, you do not have to put all of your eggs in one basket. You will find someone else who exceeds your expectations if you are patient. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is authentic, joyful, and confident, so put that energy out into the world and the same will find you.

Most importantly, when moving on, its imperative to remember your worth. A high value person does not settle for breadcrumbs of attention and half-assed romantic effort. YOU are a high value person. Write a list of what you are looking for in a dream partner and forget about it until you are ready to settle down with someone new. And when you do, which you will, check that list and make sure he/she aligns with those principles. Its not a matter of if, but when. You got this.

Sending you so much positive energy during this season of life. Remember who you are! You lived many years without this person and the world will continue to turn without them. You are intelligent, hilarious, beautiful and loved! Good luck!