MY MOM WANTS A PLUS ONE TO MY WEDDING

Where do you draw the line with guests bringing plus ones to your wedding?

Fall 2024 bride here. Before the holidays I sent out my “Save the Date” cards to our guest list. Since then, I have received so many messages and calls from guests asking if they could bring a plus one to the wedding… including my mom (my parents are divorced). I have not told anyone a direct yes or no yet, including mom also lol. I just don’t know if I want strangers at my wedding and in my pictures. How can I tell people no nicely? How do I even decide who can and can not bring a guest. I am terrible at this stuff. Sincerely, a stressed bride to be!

Congratulations on your engagement my friend! Let’s set some boundaries and take some stress off your party planning plate. I am going to say something incredibly cliche, but it really does reign true. Your wedding is your day, and you should curate it as such. That includes your guest list. If you only want your closest loved ones there you are entitled to that! With that said, if it is harmless for someone important to you to bring a guest to maybe avoid being alone or left out, that is fine too. It does not have to be a one-size-fits-all guest list. 

Beginning with the common folk of the wedding! Some people set very specific boundaries for allowing plus ones at their wedding. Some say if the guest is over 18 or 21 or 25, they should be allowed to bring a plus one. For others, it is more couple-specific. Only those with serious boyfriends or girlfriends of over a year are allowed. Some people say no plus ones at all, unless you do not know anyone else on the guest list. Truly the line is up to your discretion. The nice part of putting a firm rule in place is it makes it easier to explain to guests why or why not they have a plus one on their invitation. 

The best way to tell someone they can not bring a guest to your wedding is to blame it on the guest list. Say something along the lines of  “Unfortunately no. We’ve put a lot of thought into our guest list to ensure that we can celebrate with those closest to us. We hope you understand that we are unable to extend beyond those already on our list. We appreciate you and look forward to celebrating with you!” You can also say something as simple as “sorry, its just not in the budget!” Or “unfortunately I can’t swing another guest. Trying to keep things intimate!” Some people might be disgruntled, but that is truly not your problem. I promise they will get over it. 

Now the Mama issue. I totally understand your feelings of not wanting strangers in your pictures (or your presence) on your wedding day. However, I have a hot take. Your mom is going to have a really emotional day and it would be nice for her to have someone to dance and share a meal with. Of course if it makes you truly uncomfortable, you can say no. But if you explain you do not want her date involved in the traditional wedding activities or pictures, and he is simply someone to enjoy the reception with, I think it might make her really happy. And seeing your mom happy and having fun might make you feel great too. Again - I do not know the specifics of your parents divorce, nor do I know whether your mom is a good judge of character to pick a date or not. Just consider if it is really a hill you want to die on with everything else you have to worry about. 

Best wishes as you continue to navigate the next few months! Talk to your partner about these potential boundaries and do what feels right! Happy wedding planning!! xo