MY MESSY ROOMMATE

How would you approach a messy roommate that is getting on your last nerve?

I could really use some advice on dealing with a messy roommate. We have lived in the same apartment for almost six months and are good friends we get along very well. My only issue is that she can leave a mess sometimes. Nothing unsanitary, just like dishes in the sink or clothes in the living space. At first I just picked up after her, but over time it has gotten more annoying. How do I approach a conversation about being more neat in our common areas?

Roommate troubles are so relatable and something we all navigate at some point in life! It is great to hear that you have a roommate you get along with. Being close friends will help when having a positive and productive conversation. Even the best roommates have to have some hard chats in order to maintain a harmonious living environment for everyone. 

The best thing you could do to set yourself up for success is ask if theres a time y’all could grab a meal and talk. This will ensure you have no distractions, no pressure and are not in any rush. Start the conversation by expressing appreciation for your roommate and their friendship. Something along the lines of: “Hey I just wanted to say living with you has been great I really think this was such a good move for both of us”. Then you could add a statement about wanting to discuss a few things. 

When approaching the more critical part of the conversation, make sure you are not placing blame or talking in an accusatory manor. Try to show respect and understanding. Say “I noticed sometimes theres some dirty dishes in the sink at the end of the night and some dirty clothes in the living room. It tends to bother me when the space isn’t reset at night. It just feels cluttered!  Can we make an effort to make sure to pick up after ourselves and leave the place neat each night before we head to sleep?” Here, you are setting a specific boundary that you like the environment to be neat on a daily basis so the mess does not pile up. However you choose to say it, make sure the conversation is framed as a collaborative effort to make the living space better for everyone, not a blame-game of who is the better or worse roommate. 

Another strategy a college roommate and I always had in place was we each had tasks we were solely responsible for. I cooked, she did dishes. I vacuumed, she took out the trash. It made the workload easier on both of us! That may not work for you guys though. It may be easier to tackle household chores as a team. These are things you could also bring up in conversation so you can avoid confrontations in the future.

Overall, try to use an easygoing tone. There is no need to be passive-aggressive or tip toe over each others feelings. Living together comes with having talks about how to work together to make your home a comforting place for everyone involved. Your home has to be your oasis, as cheesy as that sounds. It is your safe space to go and recharge. Both parties have to contribute to that in order to keep it peaceful. And of course, at the end of the day you can not always control other people, so make sure your bedroom is an enjoyable, relaxing space for you to revitalize your energy.

Best of luck talking to your friend! It may feel a little awkward at first, but hopefully you can make it a no-pressure situation with a super easy solution and enjoy the rest of the time hanging out with your roomie! Thanks for writing in!