MY EX BROKE NO CONTACT WHEN I ANNOUNCED MY ENGAGEMENT

What would you do if you had an old ex hitting you up in the midst of your new engagement?

Need some help in an awkward situation. I have been with my now fiancé for three years and we are very happy together. When we recently got engaged, my ex boyfriend from high school reached out after not hearing from him for years to congratulate me. I thanked him and we spent a few hours texting back and fourth catching up. It was nice and I thought nothing of it. It’s been a few weeks and he is still texting me every few days. I have tried to be short or not answer at all but every few days he still texts. I am ashamed to say sometimes theres even some butterflies when I see his name pop up on my phone. How do I cut this texting off respectfully with the ex? And how do I tell my fiancé this has been going on, or do I just cut it off and not tell him at all? Thank you!

Sweetie… I say this with the most love... you have to cut this off... ASAP.

It is one thing to have an old flame reach out and congratulate you on a major life event. Its nice to think that someone you shared a formative part of your life with can still be happy for you. Walking down memory lane and talking about old times is always pleasant, and a person does not usually do it meaning any harm. With that said, the ex lingering around for weeks after that is a whole different situation. 

First of all, you being short or not answering at all is you setting somewhat of a boundary. And your ex flame relentlessly ignoring the signs is a reflection of their disrespect to those boundaries and larger, your relationship. Step one, just in case this old friend is completely oblivious, you need to say outright: “Hey name, it has been so fun reminiscing with you, but I have to respect my relationship and focus on my fiancé and our future together. Talking to you so much is working against that. I wish you all the best. I would appreciate if you would stop reaching out.” If you get any pushback at all, the block button is going to be your next move.

I understand nostalgic feelings can be totally intoxicating, but out of respect for yourself and your current partner, there is no room for this ex anymore. It is also not disrespectful to tell someone no. Like, ever. It may hurt your old loves feelings, but we are adults and this too shall pass. It is better to be stern and hurt some feelings now, then be wishy-washy and break up a marriage in the future. Period. 

As far as telling your current partner, I think a simple explanation would be best. Tell your fiancé your high school ex reached out to congratulate you and you had an opportunity to catch up. If pressed for more details, you can tell your partner the ex was reaching out a little too often for your liking, so you told them to kindly stop. Finish it off with a positive note of how lucky and appreciative you are of the relationship you are in, and thank them for being open to listening to the truth without judgement. Maybe try to have said conversation in passing like on a car ride or at dinner. Do not be over dramatic or defensive. Just keep your composure, say what you need to say, and change the subject. Done.

Now, this may be an unpopular opinion but hear me out. I do not think it would be kind or smart or fair to share the butterflies you have been feeling when hearing from the old love. Again, nostalgia can be really captivating, and you are probably just romanticizing the past and enjoying the attention a teenage version of yourself would have wanted. But sharing those feelings with your current partner is pointless because you are going to end the communication with the ex before you confess and it would only hurt, not help. I think sometimes, certain details are better left unsaid. It is time to just cut the chord and move past this so it does not become a much larger issue. 

I hope you find the strength to protect yourself and your future marriage by having firm boundaries with this ex. It is not in your control that they reached out, but it is in your control to stop it from carrying on. Your partner will understand as long as you are short & sweet. Be cool, calm, and collected. You are in the drivers seat. Wishing you nothing but the best as you embark on the rest of your life! Best of luck to you in your wedding planning! Xoxo