MY BF COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER WOMEN

How do I ask my boyfriend to stop complimenting other women to me? I don’t consider myself an insecure person but whenever he does it, it makes me upset. I feel like it’s disrespectful as I don’t say anything about other men to him. I know he doesn’t mean any harm by it, and a lot of times it’s celebrities, so I don’t know how to bring it up because I feel like I can’t justify why I don’t like it.

We all have our celebrity crushes we giggle about having a hall pass with. It is never a surprise when you hear a man gawk at Jennifer Aniston or Megan Fox at the movies. At the core, comments like this are pretty harmless. But when it becomes a pattern, it chips away at your confidence. When it is people in real life and not celebrities, it definitely chips away way more. You become trapped in a mental trap of comparison. It is completely valid to feel upset and uncomfortable. We all want to be the most beautiful in the eyes of our partner, and it is hard to feel that way when you feel their eyes wandering - regardless of whether they mean anything by it or not. 

The best way to approach this conversation is to explain your feelings without attacking your boyfriend. He might not even realize the weight of his comments. Say something like “hey I know you don’t mean anything by these comments, but when you compliment other women it makes me feel uncomfortable and disrespected. Even if its just celebrities, it causes me to get in my head and feel upset.” Maybe point out that you intentionally do not make comments about other men in front of him out of consideration for him and your relationship and commitment to each other. Focus on your feelings and your actions instead of accusing him of being mean, unfaithful, or offensive. 

Explaining your feelings and asking him to stop is you setting a boundary. The way a person reacts to your boundaries shows you exactly how much they value you. If your man apologizes and is compassionate and stops talking about other women, then you know he heard you and respects your feelings and point of view. If he gets defensive or chooses not to respect what you have asked of him, then that may show that he does not value you as much as you thought. Wanting to feel secure in your relationship is not too much to ask. And if him making remarks about other women rocks that security in any way, you have a right to request it to stop. 

Lead this conversation honestly and confidently knowing that your intentions are to communicate your feelings in order to make your relationship better in the long run. Good luck setting your boundaries. Update us! Xoxo