KICKING THE BREAKUP BLUES

How to start to feel better after the breakup.

Dear Nanny After Hours, 

I just got dumped by my first serious boyfriend and I literally don’t know how people bounce back after breakups because I am struggling. What is some advice to help get over it! 

Breakups feel like the end of the world. It is never easy, no matter what side of things you’re on, or if the relationship was long or short. Ultimately, breakups are a call for change and change can be incredibly uncomfortable. So, instead of treating this breakup like the end of the world, lets treat it like the end of an era. Don’t go backwards searching for closure. Closure is largely overrated. You are through the worst of it, leave the past in the past. Mute, delete or block on social media (whichever seems appropriate) because out of sight out of mind works. We are going to push through together. 

First thing to remember is to let yourself grieve. Give yourself time to sort through all the memories, good and bad, and feel all the feelings. Do not judge yourself. Take the time to reflect on the relationship and take away the lessons you have learned. What went well, what would you do differently in the future, and what advice would you pass on to others? Give yourself a firm boundary to wallow. For me in the past it has been a week or maybe two. Lean on friends and family and talk about it. Let it all out. Talk to a professional if you have to! But when you reach that deadline, you can still feel your feelings, but you have to start to pick yourself up. 

Once you have wiped the tears, take a look at who has been in your support circle. Make yourself busy with those people. Make lots of plans and lots of new memories. This would be the perfect time to plan that trip you have been dying to take. Save up some cash and book a flight with your besties. Live a little (or a lot). Listen to new music, read new books, try new restaurants, be unapologetically you and answer to no one! 

This a time for self-discovery and personal growth. Create a strong routine for yourself full of fun but also healthy habits. Invest in yourself and your future by trying new things, setting goals and curating a life that reflects your wildest dreams. Remember to stay positive and remind yourself that this pain is only temporary. You will heal eventually, all you have to do is take it one day and one step at a time. Journaling can be a huge help. Here's a prompt for your first entry: Write down every single thing you admire about yourself and read it every time you feel unworthy of love and happiness. You are worthy. Not every relationship is going to work out, but as I always say, it only has to work out once. Challenge yourself to look forward instead of backward and live in the moment as much as you can. If you catch yourself trying to move backwards and reach out, write a letter. And not, not a letter you will actually send. Just a letter that expresses your feelings instead of sending the text.

There will be times where you feel like things ended because you weren’t good enough. And thats when you bash negative self talk immediately and be your own biggest cheerleader. It will be hard. There will be great highs and some lows. But every day, week, month, will get better. One day you will move on to someone new who checks every box and treats you as you deserve to be treated and you will not give this breakup a second thought. 

Everyone heals differently. Choose the strategies that resonate most to you and adapt them to work in your life. Above all, be compassionate with yourself. You will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon my friend. Time is going to work its magic here. You can not see it now but this is a beautiful new beginning for you! Sending you so much love! xo