IS IT LOVE BOMBING?

Every time I am dating a guy that is a little too nice, I am suspicious that he is love bombing me. Obviously that isn’t always the case so how can I tell the difference between someone trying to love bomb me and someone who genuinely likes me and is excited?

Is the chemistry really that amazing or is it too good to be true? We have all been in this impossible situation where we are trying to read someones intentions in the early stages of dating and just can not quite know for sure. Then, you have all these modern dating world buzz words that make things feel even more confusing! Are they love bombing, ghosting, catfishing, bread crumbing, gaslighting, chasing, ground hogging, cuffing? Is it a relationship or situationship? A soft launch? A slow burn? Red flag, green flag, beige flag or ick? Who the hell knows. I think it is important to remember that sometimes giving everything a title ends up leaving more important terms with less meaning. So lets start with love bombing and break down what it actually means so dating can be one fraction less confusing. 

I think everyone panics when things seem a little too easy in the beginning. He paid for the date, brought me flowers, told me all about his life and asked me all about mine. Is he love bombing? Well, in short, no. In fact, some of those things may even be considered bare minimum. The important detail that distinguishes love bombing from a great first impression and connection is the intention behind the loving actions. Gifts, compliments, favors - those can all be great things. But if those actions are used to manipulate another individual, that is when it is time to worry.

Love bombing is characterized as a manipulative technique used to gain control over  another person through excessive attention, affection, gifts, or other grand gestures. If someone is pushing for an unrealistic level of commitment very early, giving over-the-top expensive gifts, doing extreme favors with conditions, asking to spend too much time together too often, isolating you from family and friends, or covering living expenses or other bills. Any method they can use to assume a position of authority, dominance or control of your lifestyle and other relationships.

Here are some comparisons. Someone who is love bombing may say grandiose statements on a first or early date such as “we are soulmates” or “I am falling in love with you” or “I have never met anyone like you in my whole life”. Someone with genuine interest and attraction would express that they are really enjoying getting to know you, feel great chemistry and can see things moving forward. A love bomber may plan an extravagant trip far away very early on in the relationship to isolate you from loved ones and basically put you in a romantic bubble with them. A secure person with normal chemistry may plan a day trip or a sleepover. A love bomber also establishes titles very early to assert a commitment. The commitment creates control because you essentially “owe” them more than you owe an average person in your life. A normal great connection my inform you they deleted their dating apps or let you know they are going to stop seeing other people. A love bomber will suggest to share or cover bills and expenses, or offer to move in together, all to financially control the partner. A good connection may pay for dates, birthday gifts, treats and flowers, but will wait to merge money in a more serious manner. 

If a person is throwing away all boundaries to impress you, and their gestures allow them to take command over your life, you may be experiencing love bombing. On the other hand, some people are just a bit more romantic than others, and some connections can be strong in the beginning. As long as you have healthy space and communication, you may just be meeting a good match. Hope this helps clarify things!