IN THE FRIENDZONE: UPDATE!

She made the first move and it paid off. Now what?!

Update! A couple of months ago, I wrote in about having feelings for a guy friend of mine. I asked if it was worth the risk to tell him about my feelings or not. This weekend I saw him at a mutual friends wedding and with the help of the lovey environment and too much alcohol, we hooked up. It was amazing and felt so natural, romantic and fun. We chatted afterwards and agreed it was great and there was no awkwardness at all, he even kissed me goodbye. Now its been a few days and I haven’t heard from him and I’m starting to freak out! 

The first Nanny After Hours update! Thanks for reaching out again! Although this crush did not play out exactly how we imagined, I am so happy for you that you took a risk. Life is too short to always play it safe. It does not sound like you walked away with any regrets, just maybe some anxiety about what this will mean going forward. 

Now - ultimately you will never know exactly what is going through another person’s mind. Are they scared? Confused? Overwhelmed? Embarrassed? Shy? Excited? You really only know what they tell you and what is reflected in their actions. However with that said, lets feed the hungry, delusional side of your brain for a second and speculate. 

Best case scenario is this dude had a busy weekend at a wedding and is settling into a fresh week. Maybe he’s a little shy about what happened between you two and is playing it cool and coy. Maybe playing a little bit hard-to-get? Maybe feeling anxious also, not knowing exactly how you are adjusting to what happened between y’all. Maybe he is deeply surprised how natural and sweet it felt to spend intimate time with you and is processing it all. 

Worst case scenario is he woke up feeling a little embarrassed, maybe even regretting the alcohol getting the better of him. Maybe he feels it was a mistake, not because it was bad or wrong, but simply because he is not in a place to continue this into the future. He may care about you as a friend and not know how to communicate that clearly. Hangover anxiety is also a real thing. He could be totally panicked about his actions, overthinking his words from the past weekend. Maybe he is frightened he might have just ruined a great friendship with an impulsive decision.

Any way you look at it, you will never know for sure. So now that we spiraled for a minute, lets reign it back in and figure out a logical plan of action. You have the option of reaching out, or the option of waiting for him to do so. Both could end wonderfully in a new and exciting blossom of romance, or an uncomfortable rejection. Neither way is right or wrong, it is completely your choice. 

If you reach out, keep it super simple. “Hey ___, just wanted to say I had a great time the other night :)” or if you are feeling really bold you could add a “are you free sometime this week to get together again?” I would avoid sending meek questions like "Hey are you okay?" or "I haven't heard from you since things went down the other night." These just send a message that you are insecure and needy of his attention and validation. That vibe will make someone question your worth, so always lead with a confident foot forward. If it were me personally, I would wait it out a few days. Taking a step back and letting a man come to you will show his true intentions. It will put him in the drivers seat and he will show how he feels in the way he reaches out and how quickly he does so. If that man wants you, he will reach out. If he doesn’t, he might just not be that into the idea of continuing things. And because you had a great time, it probably has everything to do with him and not much to do with you. And you deserve better than that anyway. Ghosting a stranger is one thing, but ghosting a friend? That is next level disrespect.

Hang in there girly, like I said in response to your last entry, what is meant to be will be and there is no way to mess that up. If this one does not work out, it may be a little messy for a minute, but it will be okay and there will be room made for someone even better. You took a risk, you had fun, you made a connection you have been wanting to explore. Anything else is just gravy, baby. Love and luck! Dare I say... update us?! xo