IN THE FRIENDZONE

Would you tell a friend about your feelings, or let it go?

Advice on how to tell a good guy friend I have feelings for him? We have been friends since college and still hang out and see each other at functions with mutual friends. Do I risk it and tell him I have feelings? I'm scared if he isn’t interested in me it will make things awkward. 

Sharing that you have feelings for someone is always nerve-racking, but the curveball of it also being your friend? So scary. So lets just take a breath and remember he is only human and so are you. No matter what you decide to do, everything is going to be okay. What (or who) is meant for you will happen for a reason within the right timing. 

Before you tell anyone anything, evaluate your feelings and really check in with yourself. Are your feelings definitely strong enough to take the risk of changing the dynamic of your friendship? Is it just a crush of the moment? Reflect and distinguish if these are deep romantic feelings or a fun flirty crush. Be realistic and prepare for either outcome. If he admits to feeling the same way, will you want to begin a relationship? Will you want to date for a little bit and test out new boundaries? If he is not interested in you romantically, will you remain friends? Will you harbor any resentment or jealousy? Will you work through some awkwardness and go back to normal? Holding space for either outcome will help you act gracefully and intentionally either way it goes. 

When you do decide to tell him, make sure to be alone without the distraction or pressure of other people. The middle of a party is not the move. Be straightforward and honest (as always).  Communicate that you value the friendship and do not intend to ambush him with the information. Share that you have romantic feelings and are curious about how he feels or if he would be willing to explore those feelings with you. Mention how much you enjoy the chemistry you both share. Be ready to handle his answer with maturity and dignity. In general, just handle the conversation sensitively and thoughtfully and try to play it off as a “casual” conversation. Offering some space and time for him to process everything would be an easy way to take the pressure off him so he can think things over if needed. 

If you want to dip your toes in before telling him, try making a move! Be a little flirty, a little touchy, and see how he reacts. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to break the ice. Any time something has gone from friends to more for me, it has always stemmed from some kind of “move” that was meant innocently and turned quickly into a realization moment. If you feel a vibe being thrown back your way, go for the conversation with confidence. If it is not being returned, maybe proceed with more caution. Theres no shame in trying and, worst case scenario, playing it off as a joke. 

Go into this hopeful, girly. Remember that a great thing never came from a comfort zone. Take the risk! It only has to work out once! And you will never know if you don’t try. It may take you being brave to start the rest of your life. And if not thats fine too, there’s many more men out there that would be lucky to have you. 

Be bold. You got this! Updates please!! xo