I GHOSTED AFTER OUR DATE

When is the right time to ghost and when is the right time to let them down easy?

Hey girl love the blog! I have been trying to pursue talking to new guys lately. I recently went on a horrible few dates with one guy and totally ghosted him after. I feel guilty but he was giving me very creepy vibes. At what points is it okay to “ghost” and then for the next time how do I respectfully reject someone if I’m not feeling it?

Hello my friend - thank you! So proud of you for exploring new people and putting yourself out there! It is a unique time to be in the dating world so kudos to you for doing the work! In this age of dating, it is hard to find the line of commitment because there is so much contact that does not involve vulnerability or intimacy. What I mean by that is exchanging a few texts, calls or social media handles does not mean you are in an exclusive relationship. Especially if you are meeting these people online and have never met. Just as general advice - remember the real life that exists outside the phone.

Also, before answering your question, I want to compliment you for following your gut and putting a stop to a situation that made you uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter how many dates you have been on or how long you have been talking, if your gut is telling you something is not right - follow it. Maybe you could have handled it better in retrospect, but don't dwell on it too much. Whats done is done. You made a decision based on your instincts, so just let it be.

This might be a controversial opinion, but I actually think there is a time and place to go ghost. If you have matched with or "met" someone online and have no personal connection with them other than a few messages, I do not think you owe a huge explanation if you decide to move on. Not everyone is your cup of tea and sometimes things are just better left alone. 

With that said, once there is an exchange of vulnerable conversations, or if you have spent quality time together in person, I think there needs to be some kind of closure before you move on out of respect for the other person’s time. The best way to reject someone nicely is to  keep things short and sweet and not leave too much to respond to. “Hey ___, I really enjoy talking to you but I’m just not feeling the spark I’m looking for. I wish you nothing but the best!” Include a compliment of some kind, and leave very little room for discussion. This conversation is more than okay to have over text or the phone if things are still new and causal. 

If they ask for further explanation, clarification or criticism, and you feel comfortable giving it to them, thats totally fine! Just beware of people trying to convince you not to make the decision to end things. Stay firm in your boundaries. If someone becomes irate or aggressive in any way when you reject them, you can always block their number and social media to prevent further conversation. If in person, plan the meet up to be in a public place and arrive with your own transportation to leave if you need to. 

Best of luck as you continue to date in 2024 - it is not for the weak! Follow your gut, be respectful, and have fun with it! Send in some updates on future dating stories!