HOW TO PLAY HARD TO GET

How to be more mysterious and not come on too strong

I need help being more mysterious with the guys I date. How do you play hard to get? Every time I meet someone I like I have no chill and come on way too strong. Any advice?

Coming from a girl that is often told she is “too much”, mysterious is not really in my nature. I’ve always had the philosophy of just being yourself until the person that matches your energy comes along. Of course maybe that is also why I am currently single?? 

I think the key of pulling off “hard to get” is to do it without playing games or doing mental gymnastics. The goal is to not put all of your cards on the table at once so that there is always more to learn about you. It keeps the other person curious. It is less about acting a certain way and more about keeping some things up your sleeve for later. In short, being more mysterious does not mean toying with another persons emotions, it simply means letting things unfold in more of a slow burn to build a better connection. 

Start with the small stuff. When someone asks a question while texting or on a date, answer it fully, but you do not have to give a whole background story. Leaving some details out leaves room for more questions. If you do not over explain from the jump, the other person can ask for more details about the things that spark their interest about you. Another small way to keep things interesting is to keep texting short and casual and save the big conversations for a phone conversation or in person. If the person wants to know more or hear more about you, they will learn to work harder for the information. 

The other big avenue to be more conservative is physically. Keep the person wanting more by being flirtatious but not overly sexual. Touch an arm or leg when you laugh at their joke, but maybe save a kiss for later on (or even until the next date). Try to build some intimacy over time without jumping in to the hot and heavy. Again, it keeps things intriguing. 

When you are a person that falls hard and wears your heart on your sleeve, it can be really difficult to hold back when you like someone. Remember to be true to yourself and not create an alternate “player” personality. You do not need to have a total man-eater attitude in order to appear interesting to someone. Be flirty, take things slow, leave a little earlier than you usually would, wait a little longer to hook up. Keep some tension and anticipation in the mix. 

Most of all remember to hold yourself at a high value, because then others will perceive you to be valuable as well. The worst mistake people make, in my opinion, is dumbing themselves down to make someone like them. Don’t sell yourself cheap. Have opinions, have boundaries, show this person you are dating that you are something to be desired because you know so, not because you need someone else to tell you. The sexiest thing in the world is confidence. 

Hope this gave you a little push in the right direction! My biggest advice is to just take some pressure off yourself. Be authentic and stop rushing. The right one will come when the time is right. Much love! xo