HOLDING A GIRLHOOD SECRET

What would you do if the teen you care for told you a juicy secret?

I’m a nanny for two kids, a preteen girl and a younger boy.  The girl recently told me she had her first kiss with a boy  and told me not to tell anyone. I find it sweet that she would trust me with a secret but also feel this is something her parents should know. How would you handle the situation. 

Hello fellow nanny! How special that she trusted you with this little piece of precious information. Thinking back to our teen years, we would have all loved a cool older sister figure to confide in with our girliest secrets. While this is such a cute moment for you to share with your mini-me, I definitely understand your dilemma. Childhood is so short, especially these days, and a first kiss is definitely a sign that she is going through some growth. It is a tough line to be an employee, care-taker and friend all at once, so lets work this out together!

I agree, first and foremost, that her parents should be clued in to what is going on in their daughters life. However, I think there is a way to inform them without breaking her trust. All of this is based on your relationship with her parents and their trust in your judgement of course. I would probably go to mom privately and say you had a very grown-up girly conversation with her daughter that you would like to discuss. Tell mom she told you something in confidence and make sure to reassure mom that she is safe and happy and good. Express that she is definitely showing interest in boys and they are reciprocating interest as well. Maybe phrase it in a “have you noticed…” kind of statement. You could encourage mom to gently (oh SO gently) prompt her into having a conversation about boys, boyfriends, first kisses, dating, etc. Finally, make it clear that you have mom’s back in raising her kids, and part of that if giving her daughter a safe place to confide in. Every child needs someone mature to talk to that is not their mom or dad. 

Something I also want to bring to your attention is just how clear of an influence you have on this young lady. Try to remember she is watching and emulating you. She would not have trusted you with her secret if she did not look up to you. Preteen kids essentially idolize the twenty-somethings in their life. Watch your language and behavior around her. Speak kindly to yourself because she is listening and learning. Encourage strength, confidence, bravery, kindness and compassion in her and yourself. You have an opportunity to be a fabulous example for a woman of the next generation, and that is just so f*cking cool. The best thing you can do for this girl is encourage her and build her self-esteem because this world can be so cruel and she will need someone to lean on. We all do. 

In the future, if she brings anything else to your attention or tells you any other secrets, handle it in a similar way. With that said, if you are ever worried about her safety, mental wellbeing, habits, emotional stability, health, or anything of that nature, tell her parents immediately. Of course the last thing you want to do is break the girl’s trust, but if you are protecting her safety, that is infinitely more important. She will realize that you were fiercely protecting her out of nothing but love and she will forgive it eventually. You are her cheerleader and also her advocate for as long as you know her. It is no joke. And it is the greatest honor ever. 

Good luck navigating this chapter of girlhood with your little bestie. Remember to listen and give her lots of grace. Put yourself in her shoes. Recall the years when everything felt like the end if the world. You and her parents are her rock. Continue to build her up. Continue to give her a safe place to run to. You are shaping her life every day and I am so proud of you! Much love and support from a nanny herself! Xo