FLIRTY HUSBAND HAS TO STOP

How would you handle your partner flirting with a stranger right in front of you?

My husband will not stop flirting with strangers right in front of me. Sometimes when we are at a restaurant, he is so flirty with the waitress. I’ve seen it with cashiers and bar tenders too over the years. Thank god he doesn’t do this with our friends or other people we know. He has always been faithful, cheating is not really a concern, but how do I tell him this flirting is getting really annoying and making me feel insecure. 

Anyone know the episode of Friends where Chandler flirts with the pizza delivery girl? Long story short, Chandler compliments her, cracks a joke and sends her on her way. Ross sees this and is appalled, telling Monica her man is flirting with other ladies! Monica then admits she does it too. A little harmless flirting doesn’t hurt anyone, in her opinion. The boys are shocked and the episode goes on as they order more pizzas to practice their flirting with the pizza girl. 

Reading this submission, I thought about how unserious a little flirting can be. A witty joke to the right waiter and you might get a drink for free. No harm, no foul. A little compliment to the right cashier and they may compliment you back. We all like a little ego boost after all. Then I thought about how forward flirting can be. One wrong witty joke, a waiter might hand you their phone number. Then you are on a slippery slope of temptation. A compliment taken too far could result in some inappropriate assumptions being made. What are people thinking of you as your husband shamelessly flirts with the bartender. I could totally see how it could make your mind spiral. 

I think the defining factor between unserious fun and total breach of trust is the intention behind the flirting. If this guy is just silly and charismatic with everyone, you would know this is his personality and there is no intention to hurt you, compare you or deceive you in any way. After all, he is doing this right in front of you so maybe there is really nothing to hide and no ill intent. On the flip side of that, if he is a more serious person who does not usually come off this way, and you notice this behavior coming out at certain times, take a good look at this person and seriously consider your future with them. For example, if he is acting this way only after you have an argument, then he is being spiteful and manipulative - and you need to run. If his intentions are in any way vindictive like that, you do not want to be with someone who essentially gets off on making you feel like shit. Sorry to put it so bluntly. The sneaky third option is that he is a big dork that literally does not realize he is flirting at all, but if it is obvious to you as his partner, that is probably not the case. 

Either way, a boundary needs to be put in place so you do not have to question or wonder. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and it needs to stop. You find it disrespectful to your marriage, no matter his intentions. You love him and trust him but this is really bothering you. Period end of story. He will either apologize and stop, or get defensive and deflect or project it onto you somehow. The way he reacts to you setting this boundary will show you what kind of man you married. Will he respect the boundary, because he respects and loves you? Or will he push against the boundary, showing that he does not respect you and does not like you catching on to his little game. 

Truly either way it is a win for you. Either the behavior will stop and you can continue life with a happy and healthy marriage and a growing understanding of each other. Or a worse behavior will show and you will be able to detect other similar behaviors and, hopefully, ultimately dodge a bullet. 

Wishing you all the luck and strength! Find a time where you have his undivided attention and communicate clearly. A good man will hear you, and see you, and this will just be a tiny bump in the road. You deserve respect, you deserve your boundaries to be honored, and you deserve to feel like the most important person in

his world. Sending you so much love, girly. Update us! xo