EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE

Why do I always fall for emotionally unavailable guys? It’s like my radar is broken or something. Every time I think I’ve found someone great, they turn out to be hot and cold and distant. I know I deserve better, but I keep getting sucked into these “almost” relationships with men who won’t fully show up. Am I the problem?

Emotional unavailability is one of the root causes of modern relationship chaos, so lets break it down. Being emotionally unavailable means being unable or unwilling to connect with others on a deep emotional level. They struggle to express feelings, they avoid vulnerability, and often keep their guard up in relationships. People are emotionally unavailable for a few core reasons, most of which trace back to their past experiences, coping mechanisms, or fears. It’s usually not because they don’t want love, it’s that love feels threatening, overwhelming, or unsafe to them. They may date you, hook up with you, talk to you and give you attention - but there is something missing. You can feel that they are hesitant or are not letting you all the way in. 

We've all experienced a partner like this at some point. The person that feels in, but not all the way in. The one you had to always walk on eggshells with in fear you would scare them away.

Emotionally unavailable people are like human slot machines: they give you just enough to keep you pulling that lever, hoping the next round will be different. But guess what? If someone is consistently confusing, distant, or allergic to a real conversation about feelings, is not a romantic mystery, its a mental and emotional block that is not your job to clear.

Here’s the hard part. Emotionally unavailable guys and gals usually come wrapped in charm, intensity, and just enough trauma backstory to make you feel like maybe you can be the one to fix them. Spoiler alert: you can’t. And the longer you stay hooked on the potential of who they could be, the more you delay meeting someone who already is that person. You’re not attracting them because you’re broken—you're tolerating them because deep down, some part of you thinks love has to be earned or chased. (It doesn’t!)

To break the cycle you’ve gotta unlearn the idea that butterflies = chemistry. Sometimes, they’re just anxiety in a different font. Next time a guy seems “emotionally mysterious,” ask yourself: is he deep, or just dodging real intimacy? There’s a difference. You deserve consistent love, not breadcrumb chaos dressed up as a slow burn. Start picking the guy who texts back, makes plans, asks questions, makes it obvious they want you. That’s where you will find peace. And with peace will come a whole new level of passion. Good luck!! Xo