DATING MY OLD COACH

This is more of a confession than a question. The guy I’m seeing was my soccer coach in high school. For context, I graduated a few years ago and we reconnected recently out at a bar. Still technically we did meet when I was a student so I am so afraid to tell people or post pictures on social media but things are starting to get serious and I don’t know where to go from here.

Wow okay! It totally makes sense that you would feel conflicted about taking this romance public. Dating someone you originally met in a student-teacher context can be a really delicate situation for many reasons. Before you analyze anything too much or jump at the chance to blast your relationship everywhere, make sure this partnership is fulfilling, rewarding, healthy and most of all, legal. 

First thing you have to do before sharing your fling is gauge the dynamics and ethics of the situation. Think about how the relationship feels now versus how it was when you were in high school. If you reconnected as adults, with mutual interests and respect, that’s an important distinction. Are you deeply connecting or are you just chasing the thrill of hooking up with someone you shouldn’t? Also, consider if there's any lingering power imbalance or if you both feel on equal footing now. Careful to look for red flags of control and manipulation. If you feel comfortable, safe, appreciated, understood and calm, there may be a genuine connection there that is worth exploring more. 

In this situation, you have to prepare for reactions. If you tell people or post photos, brace yourself that some people may have intense opinions and judgements. Some may also be understanding, but it is important to have some clear responses ready to combat some harsh critics. Make it clear that you are not defending yourself because you are happy and content but this relationship began only after you were of an appropriate age and out of the hierarchy of the activity where you met. 

Take your time. Talk to him about an ideal timeline for taking things public. Decide together what that would look like. Tell family and close friends first to build a cushion of support around you and weed out stressful responses first. It may be challenging to make people see your relationship through the lens you see it, but people who care about you will have your best interest at heart. Be open to listening to caring concerns and be ready to support each other through the more difficult criticisms. 

The bottom line is, you have to trust your instincts. If you are serious about each other, your connection, communication skills and overall happiness are most important. If your relationship is built on true respect, equality, and chemistry, that will guide you through your decisions moving forward. 

Look out for yourself, follow your gut, protect each other and do not lose yourself in the process of it all. There is a way to make it work if it is meant to be, but do not overlook the privilege and peace of privacy. Not everything needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Sometimes the best things are a slow burn. Good luck navigating this and thank you for such a juicy confession! Glad you got it off your chest!