CRUSH ON A COWORKER

Would you pursue a work crush? Or leave it alone?

Recently I have been having feelings for a coworker and I am unsure how to navigate the situation. He has some seniority because he has been there longer, but doesn’t work above me. I believe he is also feeling the same way based on his behavior. There is a group of us that hang out outside of work and when we are all together, him and I gravitate towards each other, but we have not hung out alone. How do I confirm if he also has feelings or is it just a bad idea to pursue all together? I have been nothing but professional so far but I can not get this man out of my head so anything would help! Thank you!

Okay can I just say this is very much giving Jim and Pam from The Office? Thank you for writing in! I am so glad someone is giving me the opportunity to talk about the infamous work crush. We have all been there. In the drag of the day, a good looking, funny person comes in to brighten your mood and just like that, you are in love. 

Although many people meet partners at work, there is also so much truth to the work crush theories that say that people appear more attractive at work because of the controlled environment and the frequency of seeing each other. So I think before we jump in and take any risks, make sure you are really compatible with this person and like them for more reasons than just the obvious proximity and light roasting of other coworkers. Also, look into your employer's dating policies and see if there is a zero tolerance or if it would be something you would have to report at all, or if its totally causal. If the risk is too big based on that policy, it might be better to just let the crush stay as it is and date elsewhere. Theres plenty of fish. A lot of people will give you the advice to never date someone you work with, and there are places where I would agree with that advice. So proceed with caution and with the knowledge of the policies and expectations of the job.

Now, if the risk seems to be worth it, there are a few ways to confirm feelings and hopefully move forward. If you hang out in a larger group and already tend to be drawn to each other, thats a great excuse to get into a side conversation. Maybe start by making sure he is single and looking to date. Talk about the dating environment in our city, or other couples at work, and see if you can slip the question in casually. If he is in fact single and ready to mingle, there is no shame in making a move. A hand on the arm or leg when laughing at a joke or a compliment about his looks or intelligence just may be enough to build that rapport. You could also say something like “We’re always having such a great time when we’re together. We should hang sometime!”

If the shameless flirting does not inspire him to comment on the obvious chemistry, may I suggest you do something absolutely bonkers?…. just ask. Nothing is more attractive than confidence. If you are feeling ballsy you can just say “I’m not going to lie, I’ve kind of had a crush on you for a little bit now, and I think you feel the same. Am I wrong there?” Be cute and casual. The worst he can say is no and if thats the case then you know its just been for fun and you can move on in peace. It is an innocent enough question to breeze by if the answer is not what you were hoping for. 

Best case scenario, you find out he is crushing on you too. Great! Now what. You definitely have to get some time alone and see if the chemistry is still there, but I would make private plans for a date, not run off from the work function together and cause a scene. Try to keep as much of this as private as possible to avoid influence or drama. From there, follow whatever policy your work place requires. Although we hope you will never need to involve anyone else, sometimes there are procedures in place to protect both of you. If you date for a little bit and decide to go your separate ways, just always remember to stay respectful and professional and do not vent to other people at work about it. Keep it kind and keep it clean. 

Of course we are hoping for the workplace romance of the century here, but try not to put on too much pressure. He’s just a guy in the office. You enjoy each other's company and wanting to explore that more is totally relatable. Best of luck!! We'd love an update!!