CHEATER CHEATER...

Would you get back with a cheater who is begging for another chance?

My boyfriend cheated on me about a month ago and when I found out I immediately broke up with him. I always told him cheating was an unforgivable offense because I had been cheated on before. Now he calls and texts me constantly begging for me back. He has even left messages crying. I do believe he is sorry but I also don’t want to look stupid for getting back with him. I’m so conflicted help!!

Whether you believe in “once a cheater, always a cheater” or not, cheating once is enough to warrant walking away. I hate when people use the “it was only one time” excuse. Breaking trust is breaking trust whether its one time or one hundred times. Good for you for standing your ground and ending things the moment you were disrespected. It takes a strong person to stick by their boundaries and hold others to the consequences of their own actions.

You set a clear boundary with him when you told him cheating was unforgivable. You can tell everything you need to know about a person by how they react to your boundaries. When a person pushes you to change your boundary, makes fun of your boundary, or ignores your boundaries completely, it is simply a sign of disrespect. When someone shows you they do not take your boundaries seriously… believe them. It usually means they do not take you seriously. 

This man might feel sorry for what he did. Truly agonizing guilt. He might regret what he did for the rest of his life. But at the end of the day he still did it. He made a choice, and the consequences of that choice have been carried out. You told him if he cheated, you’d be gone, and he chose to try it anyway. He took a risk. He gambled. He lost big time. 

If he is truly not letting this go, you could have a sit down conversation with him for closure. If he is willing to formally apologize for his actions, you deserve to hear that. However, and this is imperative, do not let those crocodile tears convince you of anything. Be careful that the display of emotion does not sway or manipulate you back into a situation you do not want to be in. The truth is the grass always looks greener on the other side. People who cheat often think someone else is going to fix their problems, and they often crawl back when they realize that isn’t true. Once again thinking the grass will be greener back in the relationship. The grass is actually greener where you water it. A relationship gets better with effort, communication, understanding, and trust. Look at this man’s actions and look at his words. He is telling you he is sorry, he is telling you he wants you, but when you look at his actions there is a very different picture. His actions reflect disrespect, insecurity, selfishness, immaturity, carelessness etc. Ask yourself if those are characteristics you’d want in a partner. 

My honest advice and general gut feeling is to stick to your guns and do not get back with him. If you were to show him you boundaries are flexible and up for negotiation, I am afraid he would cross them again. A man with an ounce of integrity and respect would apologize but also accept responsibility for his actions and allow you to move on peacefully. I do not know the severity of cheating here and I do not know who knows about the incident, but generally speaking, I fear you might look stupid if you fold and get back with him. And we don’t want that. 

Stay strong. Have the conversation for closure if you need to. Tell him you warned him of what would happen if he cheated and that is it - case closed. You also do not have to ever speak to him again if you don’t want to. You all know I love that “block” button! Either way, just remember your worth. Spend time with people who love you and lift you up. Do things that make you feel good. Do not rush into something new before you are ready. Take time to heal and learn from it all. It will be a grieving process, but you got this. Sending you so much love! Give him hell. Xo