"CAB LIGHT" THEORY

Do you believe the “cab light theory” from Sex And The City is true? Do men settle down with a specific girl or just the girl they are with when they are ready to settle down?

The "cab light theory" from Sex and the City suggests that men are like New York City taxis, with their "cab lights" on when they are ready to settle down. The theory implies that a man will marry the next woman who comes along when he's ready, regardless of whether she's the perfect match for him or not. Women, however, wait for the perfect match, create a match with hope of someones potential, or change their standards and expectations. The “cab light theory” concept simplifies the process of men selecting a partner by making it seem like timing is the only factor that matters - and I believe it to be (kind of) true.

There is definitely some truth to the idea that readiness plays the most significant role in commitment for men - and as it should. If someone is not emotionally or mentally prepared to settle down, they may not do so, even with someone they really care about. A lot of men feel a responsibility to be providers and if they are not successful in fulfilling their purpose, a lot of times they can feel insecure or inadequate. Generally speaking, men also do not have a biological clock to stress over and therefore have an infinite timeline to complete goals and check of their bucket list before getting married and having children. Simply put - they are in no rush. That is not to say that men do not feel pressure from society or family and friends to settle down, but again there is not a hard biological deadline looming either. Largely, men are driven and feel value by their production level in the world, while women find more value in personal relationships and emotional connections. In short, if men do not feel they are being productive as a man in the world, or if they feel like they have unchecked boxes on their bucket list, they will not feel internally satisfied enough to settle down and start a future with someone, but once they do feel aligned or at least on the right path, they are more likely to lock in on that commitment to the future. 

In reality, relationships are much more nuanced. While timing can certainly play a role in someone’s readiness to commit, other factors such as emotional compatibility, sense of humor, shared values, financial standing, mutual attraction, and life goals are also just as crucial. People are more likely to settle down with someone who aligns with their needs and desires, not just the random person in front of them when they decide they are “ready”. Most people do not marry just for the sake of being ready. They generally want to be with someone who fits their life and who they can envision a future with. The “cab light theory” oversimplifies the decision-making process for men in relationships. However - feeling complete in your life, having a healthy self-esteem, being in a good place financially, having pride in your career, knowing your strengths, living up to your word - these all contribute to a man’s “readiness” to settle down. 

So what do you do if you fall for a guy who’s proverbial “cab light” is not on? You roll the dice and take whatever risk your gut tells you is right. You wait it out and trust that he finds himself and if you are still around to be the one he settles down with then great, the risk and patience was worth it and you weathered the storm. Just be cautious not to make excuses for your partner or fall in love with potential while ignoring the realities of the person. The other choice would be to walk away and find someone else who knows what they want and is ready for commitment now. That choice is completely situational and personal - there is no one right answer, unfortunately.

Above all else, hold yourself at a high value and listen to your gut always and remember what is meant to be will always be. You will learn from every relationship in your life, so nothing is really a waste of time. xo