BREAKING GIRL CODE

What would you do if you found out your new man previously dated your bestie?

I have a dating dilemma. Recently been dating using dating apps and I matched with a great guy. We have gone on two dates and are really into each other. He is so respectful and sweet. I was telling my friend about him and it turns out she went on a few dates with him about a year ago. I like to think of myself as a “girls girl” but I also really like this guy and online dating has been brutal. What should I do?

Congrats on finding a winner online! In this new age of dating, it is so hard to filter out the real, authentic people from the freaks. Online dating can feel superficial sometimes as we essentially window shop for a human being by scrolling on an app. While we scroll, we realize we are only seeing a finite, hand curated highlight reel of the other person. It is an insane norm we have become accustomed to. With that said, when you are chatting with people online, sifting through options, you really do not owe each other much. My point being that if you found one, you are bound to find another, so while in the early stages of dating, do not put all of your eggs in one basket. Continue to swipe and explore other options until you have a conversation about a future commitment. 

To unpack the issue with your friend, I’d be curious about more details. If they ended after a few dates amicably because of a lack on chemistry or compatibility, or if she ended things with him for any lack of interest, I think you have grounds to give it a try! Have a conversation with your friend and say you really enjoy this person and since he was not her cup of tea, you want to give it a go. If it was only a few causal dates, and it ended on her terms, I can not see a good supportive friend not giving you a green light. However, if you have had conversations and agreed to not date the same people, she might be expecting you to honor that. Again, I do not know all the details, but if she is a good friend she will hear you out at the very least. 

The only situation where I would say this is an absolute no-go is if he hurt her in some way. If he stood her up, cursed her out, ghosted her, or was inappropriate or dangerous in any way, then I feel like this is just a bad idea from the jump and you have to have your bestie’s back. It does not sound like this is the case, but if it is, trust the pattern and dodge the bullet. 

Overall, this is your dating life and it will be your decision to continue seeing this guy or not. Look at facts, not others’ opinions. Make a choice that feels right in your gut. Girls can be bitter and jealous with each other, but a true friend will cheer for your happiness and celebrate your wins with you. Just try to be honest. Be real with yourself and your friend. Refrain from being sneaky because even if she is salty about you dating this guy, you lying about it would put you in the wrong and create so much more beef than any dude is worth. As long as you are upfront and have genuine intentions, anything else is simply not your problem.

Good luck talking to your friend! I hope she meets you with a supportive attitude. And even if she doesn’t, listen to your gut, read the facts, and make the best most logical decision you can. You will never know true happiness if you never take a risk. Be honest, be yourself, and know that even if things do not work out with this guy (for whatever reason), you are worthy of love and you will find that person. You can not mess up what is meant for you. Dating is grueling, but one day it will be worth it. Enjoy the journey. Learn something from each person you meet. You are closer every day to your happy ending. Love ya dearly! xo