BOYFRIEND BLINDNESS

Would you confront your friend about her awful boyfriend?

How do we tell our friend her boyfriend sucks? She is so out of his league and is just obsessed with him and we can not understand why. His personality is the worst. Help us please!

We have all been here. Watching an amazing friend date a total dud is so hard. Whether he’s crazy toxic or just plain boring, we always want whats best for our friends. Truth is, no one will ever be one hundred percent good enough for your bestie, so take some time to evaluate this guy and you friends happiness before you voice your opinion. 

First, observe your friend closely and try to get her to open up. Has she been super isolated? Is she more anxious or sensitive than usual? Has her personality shifted? If you have any reason to believe she is unhappy or on edge, try to have an honest conversation with her and get some details. Ask questions about the relationship and try to encourage her to talk things out. See if her shift in mood has to do with the relationship or other things. With that said, if she has been completely herself, and there are no flags of change or unhappiness, you may just have to wait and see how the relationship plays out. 

Now, if you have seen something or heard about something that raises red flags about this guy, definitely look out for your friend and talk to her about it. The main thing is to try not to be negative. Come from a place of love and compassion and just say “hey we witnessed this behavior and we wanted to come to you about it because it raised a concern”. Or maybe “hey I have been hearing rumors about his reputation and we felt like it was something you should consider before you two get more serious”. If he is toxic or mean to her, remember she may be looking at the relationship with rose colored glasses and may be in a manipulative behavior pattern with this person. Try to shake her and show her reality before she is more invested. If he is just totally weird and boring, maybe ask her if she is truly happy, make sure he checks the boxes she was looking for and make sure she does not feel like she is settling. 

Ultimately, all you can do is present you friend with evidence of why this guy is not your favorite, and evidence of why she is so great, and the rest is totally up to her. If he is a genuinely nice guy and makes her happy and he just is not your cup of tea, you may just have to let it go and try to stick to girls nights when you hang out. Even if he is awful and toxic, some people have to learn lessons on their own time with their own judgement. Be supportive of what she chooses. Remind her of the support that surrounds her and remind her of her worth. Keep an eye on her to make sure things continue to go well, and if they take a turn, be the friend that says something and follows up with actions. 

Its okay to not be a fan of everyone you friend dates. If they are happy and the person is treating them well, learn to bite your tongue a little bit. On the flip side, if you notice changes in patterns of behavior or mood in either your friend or her partner, speak up. It is better to chance hurting their feelings with a conversation in the short term, than risk her being devastated by a bad situation in the long term. 

Lead any conversation with truth, gentleness and a no-judgement attitude. If your friend is not truly happy, it is probably rooted in insecurity, and you will notice eventually. And eventually she will be strong enough to notice, too. If she is happy, maybe their relationship just works for them and they have a bond the outside can not see. Either way, be kind, be a good listener, continue to check in. Update us if you have a profound conversation!! xo