AITA: MY BROTHER'S SECRET UNEMPLOYMENT

Would you expose a secret if you thought it was in their best interest?

My brother has been unemployed for almost six months and hasn’t told our parents. I’m really concerned about him because he is making no progress on a new job and seems really down. I ended up outing his situation at a family dinner recently and he is angry and not speaking to me. I felt like maybe if my parents knew they could help him but now I’m thinking I should have just stayed out of it. Am I the asshole?

A hard pill to swallow in life is that even when you have the best of intentions, sometimes you still end up being the villain in someone else’s story. I am a big believer in two things being true at once. Seeing a loved one struggle is really difficult and when you feel like there is something you can do to help, you jump at the chance. Unfortunately, any time you get involved in something that is not necessarily your business, you are risking a bit of a mess. We do not always know someone else’s full story. 

It is totally admirable that you are worried about your brother and wanted to take action and help him along with the support of your family. Your heart was in the right place of care and concern. He is angry right now. Maybe he feels exposed or pressured. Maybe involving your parents will be the best move in this situation and you can all work together to lift him up and get him going in the right direction. I do not know your family dynamic, but I know if I was in his shoes, my family’s support would be and unwavering lifeline of love, guidance and encouragement. 

Of course, retrospect is always going to be 20/20. Maybe you could have spoken with him privately about the help he needed. You could have encouraged him to talk to your parents himself, or sat down and helped him fill out job applications. And for all I know, maybe you did all of those things! I think ultimately his anger is coming from a loss of control over his situation. You were not acting out of malice, but nevertheless, your brother felt blindsided and probably a bit embarrassed. 

I think the only way to mend things at this point is to reach out and apologize to your brother for betraying his trust. Try to remind him you are there to assist him however you can. Also, try to explain to you parents that you want to solve this disagreement between yourselves to avoid any additional meddling. Hopefully, once your brother comes around (which I’m sure he will), he can lean on your family for some motivation and reassurance and get back on his feet. 

Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. As long as you meant this with the purest intentions of helping your brother, I cannot see him not forgiving you. Sometimes the truth hurts, and in my opinion, he was not ready for his truth to hit yet. An unexpected reality check can be really uncomfortable, but sometimes it is what you need to spring you forward into action.

Hopefully you and your brother mend things and he turns a corner soon. Best of luck to you and your family as you navigate helping him. Be compassionate and steady. Update us when he is doing better! xo